A Symbol of Light, Adaptability, Grace and Transformation

I've kept these two very precious birthday wishes for months now, as I planned to write a post accompanying them when it finally go on print. I chanced upon "The Kelly Heinz-Grundner Brain Tumor Foundation" which took the dragonfly as their logo. As I read this post, I cannot help but to see that as much as the symbol held true for Kelly, it was also for the others who have braved their journey home. So here it is :

"This ability to reflect and refract light is responsible for the dragonfly's status as a "light-bearer," as well as a symbol of all the power and presence that is associated with light and love. Dragonflies remind us that we, too, are "light-bearers" and silently encourage us to let our own light shine forth. In addition, dragonflies exhibit the many colors of life. With maturity, the dragonfly's own true colors come forth, as it learns to bend, shift and adapt light in a variety of ways. These bright colors take time to develop, but are always worth the wait because they ultimately reveal the insect's deepest inner beauty. The dragonfly demonstrates the utmost adaptability and grace as well. No bird or other insect has the flight maneuverability of the dragonfly, which can quickly change directions when necessary. They are experts at going where they need to be and doing what they need to do. Traditionally, the dragonfly is the symbol of transformation and life's ever-constant process of change. Although the dragonfly spends the majority of its life on the bottom of a pond as a larva, it always rises above that. The dragonfly works its way through the weight of water and into the sunlight, gathering and garnering what it needs to change and unfold. When it is ready, it sheds its protective casing and flies away from the pond, to ultimately unite with other dragonflies, which have also completed their transformation and are even more vibrant and alive.

We have chosen the dragonfly as the logo for the Foundation because its beauty and symbolism remind us so vividly of Kelly. Like the dragonfly, Kelly was not only beautiful, but she actually sparkled. This sparkle came from the light that was the essence of who she truly was. Kelly exuded this light and love even in the darkest moments of her illness and in doing so was a beacon of hope and inspiration to us all. What's more, when Kelly became ill, she was able to adapt, with the speed, maneuverability and grace of the dragonfly, and to accept the path that life gave her even though it was not at all the life she planned. Kelly also transformed and matured through her illness, and as she did, her truest colors came through even more vibrantly. Finally, in her dying, Kelly helped us to see through the illusion of death. Just as the dragonfly doesn't die when it leaves the world of the pond as a larva and water bug and transforms into a dragonfly, we trust that Kelly has gone through a transformation of her own and lives on, as well. Although she has gone away for a while, she will reunite with us when we, too, have transformed and become the light that we truly are.

Note: The content on this page was created using excerpts from various dragonfly-related websites and books."

Thank you Sean and Tim Orr for the lovely wishes!

5 Years on...

Just two weeks ago, we celebrated what would have been Jon's 21st at home with family and close friends. Jon's maternal grandma, Popo cooked up a storm comprising most, if not all of his favourite foods.
The usual family suspects faithfully showed up but making special appearances were two very special 'brothers' of mine, my bro-in-law Mike and his wife Alice and my own brother Johnny with his wife Karen. Also present were my closest of colleagues, friends and partners; Janet, Vincent, Shahnaz & Grace.

My address to the party was short and simple;

 Jon's relationship with us as a family and with each of us as family members is a private one and has been over the 4 years where we celebrated his birthday for him without him physically present. This time however, we decided to share the occassion with all because we believe the journey is complete and it is time to live and acknowledge all the special people in our lives who have stood with us with pure unconditional love throughout our period of challenges, coping and grief. To every single one of you who stood with us, we can never ever repay the support and kindness you have given us throughout the entire journey with Jon.

To all of you, we say thank you and we love you.

Today we celebrate Jon's fifth year of leaving us, Mum calls it 5th Continuum.
The event is a memorial to mark the day in remembrance of Jon by releasing birds and white doves signifying the freedom that follows death. In my address to the family this morning;

I look forward to such events only because it is another event to not forget Jon. This ceremony is also for me to take stock of my life in relation to the life he lived and lost and see what have I achieved that will be a legacy to leave behind.

Today, I once again attributed my zest for life, my spirit of adventure and my tireless pursuit of my dreams to my children Jon, Zane and Summer. For inspiring me to live my life to the fullest and pushing me to be the best that I can be in every moment of now.

Today we celebrate Jon's freedom with new beginnings for all of us in The Gan family and for all those we hold close and dear.

Remembering Jon

“If you want guarantees in life, then you don't want life.

You want rehearsals for a script that's already been written.

Life by its nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted.”

Neale Donald Walsch

We remember Jon today as he turns 21, and celebrate his 5th Continuum.

As you light this candle, let its color remind you of an innocent love in its purest form.

Let its light shine in memory of a sportsman, a scholar and a gentleman.

And a son who lived his life to the fullest without knowing what tomorrow would bring.

Jonathan Byron Gan 26 July 1990 – 9 August 2006

Write to us if you want a pink candle from Jon.

Dear Jon,

Merry Christmas!

Mom

A Scholar, A Sportsman & A Gentleman

Events over the past few weeks seem to have been directed to the school that Jon attended and so loved. VI. In particular the Boys Scouts movement where Jon was Patrol leader.
The run-up to the Boys Scouts Centenary Celebrations and the celebrations itself at The Park Royal Hotel which mum attended, (minus Peter who was away on business), started refreshing thoughts on VI. Memories came flooding back to me about the scouts' den and the times when we sent Jon for scout gatherings, meetings, or campfire rehearsals at the den that eventually burned down. Part of the centenary celebrations was also to raise funds for a new scouts den.
What was nice to hear from the Centenary campfire at the hotel, the scouts still remember Jon and his name is held in high regard. His juniors in 1st KL still remember him. I am bewildered...
Then on Saturday night at Godma Ann's birthday party, we met a lovely couple sitting at the table next to us the man went to school at VI. He eventually went on to complete his MBA at Oxford. He and his wife were lovely company all night. He is after all, a scholar, a sportsman and a gentleman.
And just last night I stayed up to watch the late movie on Astro about cops and robbers, the usual good guy overcome bad guy story starring Mel Gibson & Danny Glover. At the end where good triumphs over evil, the soundtrack of Eric Clapton's 'Knocking on heaven's door' came on. Memories of Jon singing that song at his last Boys Scouts campfire in VI came flooding back. I recalled this scrawny young boy in black T-shirt and dark blue jeans singing his heart out to the lyrics of ....knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door...yeah, yeah, yeah....knock, knock, knocking on heavens door....accompanied by his 'rock' band fashioned after Guns & Roses.
That's more than four years on and heaven is where you are Son.
Your memory is kept alive and we miss you. You will always be to us, a scholar, a sportsman and a gentleman. And I love you.

3 years later...

On a beautiful August 9th Sunday morning, we released 16 diamond + 3 white doves to commemorate Jon's 3rd. Now that we are living in an area which is surrounded by greens, the birds just flew away, unlike previous years. However, in the last week, one of the whites has been making appearances around the garden and I felt that there was a difference. Unlike previous years where one or two white doves used to hang around for days, seemed lost against the city skyline, this one seemed unperturbed by me and even Eleanor, Jon's pet golden retriever. It seems like this little fella just want to chill and hang out in the lush surroundings.

Well, there are other differences as well.

Today for the first time in 3 years, I feel I've truly found peace and my heart just filled with happiness when the birds were released. It is not that I am no longer sad but somehow I've managed to hold this sadness within my space of happiness. And to me, this is a breakthrough and it makes me feel totally liberated. I thank God for this blessings and Jon's 3rd is truly a celebration for me.

This is my truth. That when one expires from the physical body, one just simply change form - from matter to spirit. From earthly realm to the spiritual. And we are on the same plane, just change of being, change of mindset. More than ever before, and this has not changed, is I feel my son's presence and know that he is always in our midst - guiding, nudging, prodding, caring and loving. And having conversations with me.

From this day on, I shall name August 9th day as Jon's Continuum Day.

I would like to thank Neale for giving us 'Home with God' and 'Happier than God' tools which has greatly helped in my journey, not forgetting the CWG collection.

Finally, I have also decided to discontinue with our website and keep this blog to keep the channels open to reach out to other mums. And Ling is in the midst of setting up FaceBook as well.

For all the mums like me, may you one day find peace in the knowing that our children have not left us but are in our midst, beside us. Always.

God bless.

Jon's 3rd Memorial

It's been three years since Jon left for the great gig in the sky. And still I say, not one day passes by that we don't feel him or think about him or see things that remind us of him. I say that in my 2009 Memorial speech, because as a human being in this world, I want to be remembered and I want for my loved ones not to forget me, as such I strive to do in my lifetime, things that people (let alone my loved ones) will remember me by. Being forgotten means being insignificant, being unloved, unwanted. For now, as a living being I shall hold on to that belief and keep remembering my son. It is not difficult to remember Jon, in fact it's impossible to forget as he is woven into all of us, his family. I see him sometimes as I gaze at Zane or Summer, I see him everytime I see a Boy Scout, a footballer, a scholar, a gentleman, a young man of 19 setting out to start his journey in this world, anyone in a wheelchair, a cane, a cancer patient or simply any brave person.

How can I forget you Jon?



P/s Thank you Chyen for being with us.