7th Year Memorial

Hey Jon, I remember your very ballsy rendition of this song at your school campfire. And I will always remember how brave you were.

Happy 7th Anniversary Son. We love you. Always.

Short+Sweet 2012 Malaysia

You'd have been so proud Jon.

To see your baby sister soar so high across the stage that wasn't big enough to take her in full flight. She danced with professional precision and great control. She delivered what she had to the team and then she added her own passion to thrill us all.

You'd have been so proud Jon. 
But then somehow I'd know that you already are.

It’s crazy how time flies. This year marks the 6^th year since Jon left us. We decided to burn or “Set free” the paper cranes Lavinia so lovingly folded for Jon many years ago.  It was bittersweet because It seemed like burning something was like getting rid of it, like you didn’t want it anymore. But I realized it was not like that at all, it was about setting free just like how over the past years we released birds.

9.08.2012 – 6 years already brother. and not a day goes by I don’t think of you.

Everyday as I go about doing my own thing. I always pause and think hmm. What would Jon do today? “Aiya, he’ll definitely be taking out the Mini and drive his friends around.”  Or  “ Oh, Jon has his band practice today with Mubin and Danial, for that new gig they got at Publika. “ haha. Or “ He’s studying journalism over in UK. “ haha, oh well I miss you Jon. These 6 years without you have taught me that I have bigger responsibilities as the oldest in the family.  And that everything I do, before I make a decision  I think of what would my older brother do? Because honestly being the oldest is not fun. No one to look up to or talk to about stuff guys our age do. or just be bros and pick on each other. Well, that’s part of the journey without you. Miss you Jon. LOVE YOU LONG TIME.




Contributed by Zane and Summer

On the same night, Mum decided to burn the cranes made by Kelvin's friend Lavinia. These were made when jon was still in hospital receiving treatment. Burning the cranes symbolizes setting them free, letting JON's birds free. They have been ' caged ' for 6 years. So, with  Jon's pink candle for light we burned the cranes free. 'twas MAGICAL.

Happy Birthday, Jon!

On the 26 day of July, Jon would have been 22 years old and this year we had a few special appearances. Juss who have just come home for good from London, and recently passed his Bar. Jeremy back for the first time from Oklahom, also graduated in Engineering coupled with the good news that he will be continuing with his Masters in NYU. And Issac from Vancouver. Later Julian @ Snow Man also came who will leave for Dakota to begin his studies in piloting in his dream uni. Not forgetting Tiny Jon Liew, our newest member of the Liew family who was gifted to Bernie in May. Others who were with us were Poh-Poh, Unc Mike, Aunty Alice, Aunty Juju (Jon's affectionate name for his aunt), Berns, Yee Chai, Uncle Boy, cousins Jams, Dan, Euverne, Chyen and Owen. Our friends Janet and Sonny, Shahnaz and Aishah. 

Dr Morrie from "Tuesdays with Morrie" said "death can take a life, but not a relationship". When Jeremy was invited to cut the birthday cake and whose own birthday fell on the 25th, he shared that he would have loved to know Jon better (as through football they discovered each other and that they were cousins only months before Jon's cancer). He couldn't forget Jon and that he continues to be a guiding example for him.

Juss was also invited to do the second cutting whose birthday we celebrated on the 3rd, shared that Jon is yet to be replaced as a best friend, confidante, cousin and often thinks of him when he is studying or when he feels alone.

Uncle Mike then led us in prayer.

For me, I saw Jon in everyone who were there, reminding me that his life lives on. I still miss him. And no matter how my day has been, Jon remains my first and last thought for the day.

Happy birthday, son.

A Breath of Fresh Air

Throughout my journey as a journeyman. A journeyman? What hogwash! Perhaps the word I was searching for is seeker. Another load of hogwash, who you trying to kill softly, first you say journey, then journeyman, now you say search and out came seeker! Can you be more original? Pfffttt...

Ok, enough of me talking to myself. What I meant to say was, ever since Jon left us to go out to the great yonder, I have sought refuge and solace and meaning in many a prose, phrases and stories documenting, death, loss, absence, and the like. and I have been recently the fortunate recipient of such a gem composed by George Scott Holland sent to me by a good friend who is also enduring a somewhat similar kind of loss. I publish it here for Jon, for mum, for the family and for me.

Death is nothing at all ~by George Scott Holland

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room.

Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.

There is absolute and unbroken continuity.

What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.

All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.

One brief moment and all will be as it was before.

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

”

A Symbol of Light, Adaptability, Grace and Transformation

I've kept these two very precious birthday wishes for months now, as I planned to write a post accompanying them when it finally go on print. I chanced upon "The Kelly Heinz-Grundner Brain Tumor Foundation" which took the dragonfly as their logo. As I read this post, I cannot help but to see that as much as the symbol held true for Kelly, it was also for the others who have braved their journey home. So here it is :

"This ability to reflect and refract light is responsible for the dragonfly's status as a "light-bearer," as well as a symbol of all the power and presence that is associated with light and love. Dragonflies remind us that we, too, are "light-bearers" and silently encourage us to let our own light shine forth. In addition, dragonflies exhibit the many colors of life. With maturity, the dragonfly's own true colors come forth, as it learns to bend, shift and adapt light in a variety of ways. These bright colors take time to develop, but are always worth the wait because they ultimately reveal the insect's deepest inner beauty. The dragonfly demonstrates the utmost adaptability and grace as well. No bird or other insect has the flight maneuverability of the dragonfly, which can quickly change directions when necessary. They are experts at going where they need to be and doing what they need to do. Traditionally, the dragonfly is the symbol of transformation and life's ever-constant process of change. Although the dragonfly spends the majority of its life on the bottom of a pond as a larva, it always rises above that. The dragonfly works its way through the weight of water and into the sunlight, gathering and garnering what it needs to change and unfold. When it is ready, it sheds its protective casing and flies away from the pond, to ultimately unite with other dragonflies, which have also completed their transformation and are even more vibrant and alive.

We have chosen the dragonfly as the logo for the Foundation because its beauty and symbolism remind us so vividly of Kelly. Like the dragonfly, Kelly was not only beautiful, but she actually sparkled. This sparkle came from the light that was the essence of who she truly was. Kelly exuded this light and love even in the darkest moments of her illness and in doing so was a beacon of hope and inspiration to us all. What's more, when Kelly became ill, she was able to adapt, with the speed, maneuverability and grace of the dragonfly, and to accept the path that life gave her even though it was not at all the life she planned. Kelly also transformed and matured through her illness, and as she did, her truest colors came through even more vibrantly. Finally, in her dying, Kelly helped us to see through the illusion of death. Just as the dragonfly doesn't die when it leaves the world of the pond as a larva and water bug and transforms into a dragonfly, we trust that Kelly has gone through a transformation of her own and lives on, as well. Although she has gone away for a while, she will reunite with us when we, too, have transformed and become the light that we truly are.

Note: The content on this page was created using excerpts from various dragonfly-related websites and books."

Thank you Sean and Tim Orr for the lovely wishes!

5 Years on...

Just two weeks ago, we celebrated what would have been Jon's 21st at home with family and close friends. Jon's maternal grandma, Popo cooked up a storm comprising most, if not all of his favourite foods.
The usual family suspects faithfully showed up but making special appearances were two very special 'brothers' of mine, my bro-in-law Mike and his wife Alice and my own brother Johnny with his wife Karen. Also present were my closest of colleagues, friends and partners; Janet, Vincent, Shahnaz & Grace.

My address to the party was short and simple;

 Jon's relationship with us as a family and with each of us as family members is a private one and has been over the 4 years where we celebrated his birthday for him without him physically present. This time however, we decided to share the occassion with all because we believe the journey is complete and it is time to live and acknowledge all the special people in our lives who have stood with us with pure unconditional love throughout our period of challenges, coping and grief. To every single one of you who stood with us, we can never ever repay the support and kindness you have given us throughout the entire journey with Jon.

To all of you, we say thank you and we love you.

Today we celebrate Jon's fifth year of leaving us, Mum calls it 5th Continuum.
The event is a memorial to mark the day in remembrance of Jon by releasing birds and white doves signifying the freedom that follows death. In my address to the family this morning;

I look forward to such events only because it is another event to not forget Jon. This ceremony is also for me to take stock of my life in relation to the life he lived and lost and see what have I achieved that will be a legacy to leave behind.

Today, I once again attributed my zest for life, my spirit of adventure and my tireless pursuit of my dreams to my children Jon, Zane and Summer. For inspiring me to live my life to the fullest and pushing me to be the best that I can be in every moment of now.

Today we celebrate Jon's freedom with new beginnings for all of us in The Gan family and for all those we hold close and dear.