The Next Chapter

Dear Jon,
How time flies and it is now almost 11 months since you crossed over (Summer and I prefer the descriptor 'crossed over' like you are just next door and we just have to 'tap' in to get to where you are). I guess my grief has largely got to do with the physical aspects - the tending, the caring, feeding, seeing and touching. Since then each day starts and ends with thoughts of you. And the constant thinking and asking if there is a purpose for my when I walked this journey with you.

I have since met and kept in touch with two wonderful mums who are similarly going through the same pain. Auntie Ai Mee and Aunty Noridah. Our friendship seemed so natural. Nothing forced. We just let things flow amongst us, and this kind of relationship can never be duplicated with any other mums except those who are going through the same pain. I found a lot of comfort in their company as together we created a space for open sharing, crying and laughing without fear of being judged. We do not say 'let go', 'move on', 'don't cry, be strong', 'you have no choice but to go on' ...simple, friendly advices yet could leave us infuriated.

I may have found the purpose, Jon. In our regular 'conversations'*, I have been sharing about starting a support group for mums like me. Mums in bereavement. Offering comfort and an open space for sharing without fear or favour, without judgement. All the first moves with Ai Mee and Noridah were initiated by me because I know there are mums out there like me, and just wanted to be with them. I found our sharing, healing. Knowing that I am not alone. And the 'moving along' seem so much more meaningful. Perhaps there is a need for such a support group. I do not know where and how I am going to do this. I may not have more than 2 mums but at least I know I am contributing something to however many I have. And most of all these mums have contributed so much to me, right now.

Without much thoughts, I simply named it 'MUMs' standing for 'mums-uniting-mums', with the descriptor, 'a support group for mums in bereavement' (should find an alternative word for 'bereavement' is there's one).

You have also said that I should do this for myself, not for you. Yes, Jon, I am and will be doing this for me. It will also be 'launched' on your first year 'crossing over' anniversary, ie 9th August. Logos, namecards with the blog 'www.mums-uniting-mums.blogspot.com' are being developed. I am feeling so excited already.

And yes, another project in the making - a book. It'll be called 'the book of jon' and yes, don't worry, it'll be about me, my journey with you.

I want to post my intentions here as this blog is dedicated to you and by doing so, I know now I will commit to walk the talk.

I love you son. Thank for for the gift, as I am sure this is surely the first of many more gifts to be uncovered and discovered as the journey with you goes on.

Love you always,
Mum
*since the time Jon crossed over, we have been conversing. Everyday. I find this to be empowering and healing. I know I will continue to 'talk' to Jon for the rest of my life.