Blue Candles

"Talk to your child who died, if it helps you. Share with your child your progress and show that you can handle the windstorms of life, because the death of a child often is the teacher of unconditional love, and unconditional love has no claims, no expectations, needs not even a physical presence." Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross extracted from 'Letter to Bereaved Parents' from her book "On Children and Death".

I talk to Jon all the time. In the beginning of our coversations, I find myself in doubt. I would then ask him to show me signs that what I heard was from him, not from my imagination. He never failed me. Not once.

I truly believe that I do have an on-going conversation with him. And how well the quote above rings true for me. In having this on-going dialogues, they (Jon) helped me to understand a lot of stuff during and after his cross-over. Most of all I find myself healing day by day. Like they say, "Time does heal. But it does not hold true for me. Time, in its most merciful way has smoothen the edges ever so slightly only".

Indeed I am still grieving, and it is so difficult to ride the storm. When grieve comes gripping my heart, I simply be in the rain - cry, weep. I almost choke on my tears. And its healing.

Whatever or however I am doing, I take heart in knowing that Jon is not far, always near, watching, caring for me.

Jon's 17th birthday is on Thursday, July 26. So, a week ago, I asked.

"Jon your birthday is coming. What would you like?".

"Candles, mum. Blue candles."

So you will my son.