Jon's Birthday Today

My good friend Menon, called me this evening and asked if I was free for a round of Friday golf.
A trait I admire about Menon was that he was extremely religious about his golfing Fridays.
Friday being a day already filled with meetings, I politely declined.
My tenacious friend, (who I thank God for not stopping to pester me) then ventured to ask;

"How about tonight?" hoping I'd be able to join the boys for a drink.
"It's my son's birthday today and we're going out for a meal with the family" I replied.
" Oh..? that's nice, taking the young fella for a treat huh.." Menon exclaims, "How old is your boy?" he asks.
" He would have been seventeen today" I said a matter of factly.
The short silence at the other end of the line told me he understood. Then he quietly wished my family and I all his best wishes, prayers and thoughts as he finally hangs up.

As tradition would have it, we each get to choose our favourite restaurant for dinner on our birthdays and we would spend this special evening only with each other ordering whatever catches our fancy and thoroughly enjoying ourselves.

Jon, some years ago, picked Victoria Station as one of his choices and we felt it would be appropriate to go back there for him. And we did, the place was nice and cosy and adequately private as we went about our very private but very meaningful meal on Jon's birthday.
We shared memories of Jon and we kept it celebratory. We imagined how tall he'd be, how he would boss Zane around and how he will dote on his little sister. Jon's putty around Summer.
We realised that we never stopped sharing memories of Jon, it was a daily affair, we spoke of Jon often and frequently and with joy. As if he never left. And there's some truth to that and I mentioned it at our opening prayer, Jon will always remain in each of our hearts, with its very own special memories. And nothing can change that. Not even death.
What a great seventeen birthday it would have been.
There was no need for tears tonight. It was a celebration. It's all right.
Happy Birthday Jonathan. Thanks for having us.

Commemorative Events

It's been said that whatever is done for the dead is done for the living. I hold true to this because no matter what we do is not going to make any difference for the person who is already on a new journey of liberation, freedom and creation.

So Jon's birthday and 1st Year Cross Over Anniversary, is coming up. 14 days apart from each other. Thursdays. He is a Thursday child..has far to go...

Could we do them weekends? Why? So everyone could stay longer without having to think about school or work the next day. Sounds reasonable, practical, make sense, etc. etc. etc.

Of the two, I would consider doing the birthday over a weekend, not the other. 9th was his chosen date and it would be more meaningful commemorating that date and hour, no matter what day. Any other day would be meaningless. But his birthday is also one which he had from day on. So..

Thursday, they will be.

The next question is, who shall we invite?

Birthday will be a family affair.

On 9th August, the 'Jon's friends' list was priority to me. So I got on the phone with some anxiousness, some hesitation - would they come? Would they remember Jon?

I was encouraged with the initial responses. And to get his friends was to get a guy to round up that side and a girl, the other. K.A. and Khalida were enrolled. They agreed. I was touched.

They asked "What is the number, Auntie? Jon has many friends."

I suggested some form of management control..
"Those that Jon hangs out alot with?"
"How about those that know him well, and that has made a difference to Jon, and he to them?"
"His best friends?"

Each time, they were hesitant because I suspect the suggestions does not really help but they very politely said 'OK?' as I ran out of ideas. I believe they did too. As I put down the phone with the promise that I would confirm this with Peter, I realise that it is almost impossible to say a number. It was simply because Jon had many friends. Now when you go through the eulogy book, signed by the busload of students, the ones who ponteng school to be at the wake and those came on their own, you'd find that Jon had many 'best' friends.

Without flinching, hesitating, Peter said, 'No limit'.

Sighs of relief were how both of them responded. K.A. even suggested 'should we make an announcement in school?'

I reminded them that it would be Thursday, some symbolic ritual will happen at 10.30pm, closing at 10.45pm.

•moment of silence.
•offer of thanksgiving prayer
•releasing of 17 birds
•lighting of candles

Next Friday to get back on the numbers.

More to follow...

11 Months On.. 9th July.

"Mum, you will find peace when you have truly forgiven yourself".

These words came as I was thinking of MUMs, going thru' in my head what I wrote would be it's foundation. I remember I wrote as one of the foundation's belief :

"Having the faith that with time, we will eventually come to a place of peace within".

You have so much wisom, son.

This was when I recalled the latter that Jon 'sent' to me and his papa. This is how we chanced upon it..

I alight the steep stairs of our pre-war office, to Peter's room. Cautiously. It's been a while since I climbed it and I always feel apprehensive. But today I know he'll be alone and we need to discuss some administrative issues.

I saw that he was busy looking at something on his PowerBook. As I sat down and before I could utter the first word, he said, "This took me half an hour to download and it's such perfect timing". He moved the PowerBook to let me see what he was reading. It went like this..

"Dear mom,
I know you're going to miss me, but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you.
Just 'cause I'm not around to say "I love you". I will always love you, mom, even more with each day.
Someday we will see each other again.."

Yes, it was a spam mail, part of it anyway. The story goes that it was written by a 7 or 10 year old boy to his mom, single mom. Like me, she was away when he 'left', and God loaned him a special pen and paper to write the letter to his mom, to say his last words.

I believe messages reach you at points in your life when you need them most. And sometimes you find them and they find you. Like books. And everything happens for a reason.

As we read, our tears just flowed freely. The letter was for him as well as it was for me.

And we know we were not alone in the room. Because I felt I was in a place of love, warmth, sharing yet private.

We love you, Jon. We will never ever forget you as well.

Blue Candles, yet again

The Colour, Blue.
Healing.
Water.
Clarity.
6th Chakar (energy point).
3rd Eye.
Intuition.
Knowing.
Sixth Sense.

One of Jon's favourite colours, if not, his favourite.

Candles.
Flame.
Orange.
2nd Chakra.
Emotions.
Compassion.
Love.
Soul.
I am.
Om.

Interesting..

Blue Candles

"Talk to your child who died, if it helps you. Share with your child your progress and show that you can handle the windstorms of life, because the death of a child often is the teacher of unconditional love, and unconditional love has no claims, no expectations, needs not even a physical presence." Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross extracted from 'Letter to Bereaved Parents' from her book "On Children and Death".

I talk to Jon all the time. In the beginning of our coversations, I find myself in doubt. I would then ask him to show me signs that what I heard was from him, not from my imagination. He never failed me. Not once.

I truly believe that I do have an on-going conversation with him. And how well the quote above rings true for me. In having this on-going dialogues, they (Jon) helped me to understand a lot of stuff during and after his cross-over. Most of all I find myself healing day by day. Like they say, "Time does heal. But it does not hold true for me. Time, in its most merciful way has smoothen the edges ever so slightly only".

Indeed I am still grieving, and it is so difficult to ride the storm. When grieve comes gripping my heart, I simply be in the rain - cry, weep. I almost choke on my tears. And its healing.

Whatever or however I am doing, I take heart in knowing that Jon is not far, always near, watching, caring for me.

Jon's 17th birthday is on Thursday, July 26. So, a week ago, I asked.

"Jon your birthday is coming. What would you like?".

"Candles, mum. Blue candles."

So you will my son.